Sexual Harassment and The Redoubtable (Fearful) Mr. Perfect

The classic novel “The Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde is about a supremely self-centered individual who made a wish that a painted portrait of himself would age and he would not.  The disturbing wish was granted and he spent his timeless youth in the pursuit of ruinous sensual indulgence.

Those who saw him could not believe the many sordid tales of his moral abandon and sexual mischief because they believed that such behavior would be written upon the face of such an individual.  Because Dorian Gray had a very handsome face and was well spoken it was believed that he would not be involved in such dark deeds. 

The Bible states: ”Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).”

It is the outward appearance that is so very important in families wherein childhood sexual abuse has been or is a reality.   Indeed, much time is invested in the creation and cultivation of the fiction of the perfect family. 

Everyone has a role to play.  The roles are carefully contrived in order to protect the unthinkable milieu of childhood sexual abuse within the home. 

‘Mr. Perfect’ is usually the autocratic head of such a dysfunctional family unit.  He orchestrates the roles that each family member must play in order to conceal his real persona from the outside world.

‘Mr. Perfect’ cultivates a family structure wherein secrets, terrible and unspeakable secrets prevail because if they were revealed the family’s unnatural and mocking lies would be open to the world.  Please note that all family members are not necessarily neither aware nor complicit in the sexual abuse of a child.  Complex social intra-familial arrangements are involved. 

This is the world of the pedophile.  It is a world of lies, secrets, and fear.  Fear is at the center of this family unit.  The fear of being found out is well-managed in order to dismiss its possibility and to continue the torture of the child sexual prey.

The burden of carrying the unspeakable secrets of such families is usually given to the one who is also the victim –prey of childhood sexual abuse.  She is the living sacrifice in the hellish world of ‘Mr. Perfect’.

‘Mr. Perfect’ is usually a family member such as a father, or step-father or other close male figure.  He is a trusted authority figure who is attracted to the sexual exploitation of children.  There is a malevolent (evil) disconnection within him that motivates him to do the unthinkable, and blame his acts upon his victim-prey.  When caught he will say that the child-prey seduced him or that the child led him into a sexual relationship.

The causes of the unspeakable acts of ‘Mr. Perfect’ are always outside of himself.  He is never worthy of blame for his evil folly.  He is the real victim. (Read “The People of the Lie” by Scott M. Peck for a powerful discussion on the inability of the evil to see, understand, or take responsibility for the impact of their behavior).

The child-victim who has been inducted into the world of ‘Mr. Perfect’ will find herself a captive.  She will find herself in physical and psychological turmoil under the duress of his controlling anger.  She dare not arouse his anger.  She is therefore kept in a state of hyper-arousal anxiety trying to anticipate his moods and attitude toward her, and the next sexual attack. 

Imagine her young world if you will; a child who had foisted upon her young life the abnormal sexual demands of an adult authority figure. Her young life is built around the anxiety of his angry disapproval.   She will carry this attitude into her adult life when she is no longer in the immediate environment of the abuse.

The family of ‘Mr. Perfect’ callously ignores the intense psycho-dynamic factors that are involved within its structure of systemic exploitation; but they understand the cost of not hiding ‘Mr. Perfect’, community shame, embarrassment, social stigma and legal accountability.

The Iesous states emphatically “But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea (Matt.18:6).”   

Dear victim of childhood sexual abuse, God loves you and he has a plan for your life.  Receive Jesus Christ as your Savior.   He knows the enormous devastation that childhood sexual abuse can do.  He knows every detail of what happened to you and who did the abuse and how you feel inside as a result of it.  He knows how you have tried to make sense of what happened.  He knows that you have blamed yourself and that you believe that you have some flaw or that you are a bad person.

You need Iesous to free you from the lies of the evil world of ‘Mr. Perfect’.  Call upon the name of Jesus and receive him as your Savior today.  “For the wages of sin is death; but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord (Rom. 3:23).”